ANNE SLANDERS, THE ADVICE COLUMN FOR THE BRAVE AND MASOCHISTIC

Anne Slanders has been named July's Miss Teenage Planet Egomania! You won't wanna miss this tale of Stalker Insanity!

Well, well, well. Another loser who can't handle his or her own problems. Seems three quarters of the human race answers THAT description. You think you're unique?!? HAH! You're just a birdturd on the sidewalk of life.

Okay, bozo. What seems to be your issue? Fill out the form below NOW, and if I deem you worthy of my public scorn I'll post your problem and my solution to it, and you better TAKE MY ADVICE or you'll be a miserable loser the rest of your boring and insignificant life!

Name


Enter your email address NOW, you birdturd:


Tell me your stinking problem:



Give me ALL of the following information or I will consider you unworthy.

What is your shoe size?
5 1/2 13 aaa 8 1/2 (The square root of pi) X 23 I won't tell you, I'm embarassed bigger than a breadbox same as my bra size none of the above

What is your sex?
Female Male Enthusiastic Hermaphrodite Are you talking now or last year? nonexistent

What is your sign?
Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Wide Load Detour Condemned

When was the last time you underwent psychiatric evaluation?
yesterday never blue daily what's that? not since Jeffrey Dahmer lost it.

I think Lorena Bobbitt is . . .
A deranged bitch My hero beautiful! *sigh* Just another gal doing what she's gotta do to survive.

If I were given one wish, I would wish for . . .
A million f-- I mean bucks. a red yoyo Spam, yeah, spam! a wind sock STAMINA A day with Dorothy in Oz a lifetime pass to the skatepark. I wanna be able to whistle my s's

THE QUESTIONS AND ANNE SLANDERS ANSWERS

Now get to it and fill out that form, you reprehensible, whining sack of rotted goat leavings!
Ah, a fly has wandered into my web, said the spider!



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